Heart On Your Sleeve
by erinski
Summary: Effy is struggling to love Freddie in the way she thinks is right. There is no physciatrist in this, no death, just Freddie helping Effy to open up and wear her heart on her sleeve.
1. Chapter 1

** A middle class, Victorian era house with a red door and bay windows. The top floor bay window. Sheer white curtains. An empty vodka bottle stands on the dressing table, a heap of clothes cover the floor. the wooden floor, littered with these clothes and a torn condom wrapper. The bed. Lying on this bed, sleeping, is a pale, dark haired girl. Her hair hasn't been washed for two days. The remnants of last nights make up still decorate her face. She breathes slowly, in and out. Her mobile sits on her bedside table, abandoned.**

_Beep beep beep!_

Effy opened her eyes wearily. That was all she felt these days: weary. She could see her mobile flashing, greeting her with a new text message. Slowly sitting up, she looked around her bedroom. It was pale white. She liked white. It was a non-descript colour, it didn't attract much attention but it had the amazing power to just make a room look bigger. It was an enigma.

Like her, although she wasn't aware of it.

She reached out for her mobile, knowing exactly who it was going to be. The screen lit up as she pressed a random button. His name was there, just as she'd expected.

**FREDDIE.**

She smiled faintly. Her heart always managed to skip a little more everytime she thought of him. But she couldn't allow this to be known. Wearing your heart on your sleeve is dangerous. Love comes across as a happy, pretty thing, but Effy felt it wasn't worth it. Love could hurt you. It could tear you 'd seen it with her own eyes. But Freddie.. Freddie made her feel as if it wasn't as bad as it was. He was intense, loving, protective. He could protect her from pain, if she let him.

**Can't wait to see you today. Be at yours in five minutes. I love you x **

He was always so hopeful, he always tried so hard. She knew her erratic and at times unpredictable behaviour upset him. And she hated herself for it. But he stayed with her, something she could hardly comprehend. She sometimes worried he was staying with her out of duty. She didn't understand why anyone would want to be with her. Love tears you apart. Why would anyone want to risk that?

** Effy sits on the bed, reading over her text messages. Back from the bed, back along the floor, past the littered floor of clothes and torn condom wrapper. Back through the sheer white curtains and back into the street. A tall, dark haired boy of about eighteen. He's facing the house, looking up at her bedroom window. In his right hand is his skateboard. In his left is his mobile.**

**(**_I've never done this before so I'm sorry if its bad!)_


	2. Chapter 2

**A dark haired girl sits on her bed, rolling her eyes as she watches her dark haired boyfriend clean up her room, which is littered with clothes, a torn condom and an empty vodka bottle. Her white vest barely reaches the top of her legs and its ripped holes show hints of her black bra. Her delicate frame looks fragile, easily breakable. The boyfriend is wearing his usual attire of baggy jeans, blue t-shirt and skater shoes. His hair is messy, he hasn't touched it since he woke up this morning. He picks up the empty vodka bottle and shoves it in a plastic bag. **

"I guess this shows what a good party it was last night!" Freddie joked as the vodka bottle was put out of sight. Effy shrugged, smiling faintly at him. "God Effy, your room is a state.." he mocked. He gently picked up each article of clothing, careful not to handle them too roughly in case he damaged them. Effy's clothes always tore easily, the material was never strong enough. Not like her.

If only he knew.

"Stop cleaning, you're being a pussy," Effy said. She laughed when Freddie placed his hand on his hip and raised an eyebrow. Continuing to tidy up, Freddie picked up the torn condom wrapper. "Clearly someone's been having some fun. You shagging someone else?" he joked again, pretending to be offended. Effy chewed a fingernail, trying to look as if she was guilty. She liked this slagging off thing they sometimes did. Freddie placed the torn condom wrapper into the plastic bag and then put it down on the floor. The room was clean again. "Cause if you were shagging someone else, I'd be quite upset.." Freddie said, making his way towards her. She giggled as he took her hands and gently pushed her back down onto the bed. He kissed her collarbone and she ran her hands down his back, pulling his shirt off. His fingers spread through her knotted hair, bringing her lips closer to his. He placed butterfly kisses over her neck, her collarbone, her shoulders. Effy closed her eyes, blocking out everything. More butterfly kisses. Her arms, her stomach, her hip. Slowly, gently.

Her eyes shot open.

This was too lovely. Too gentle. Her heart beat faster than its usual pace. She felt as if the ceiling was moving down towards her, about to crush them both. More butterfly kisses over her legs, knees. No. He was taking too much time. It was like he was poring over every part of her. She felt like she was an experiment and he was the scientist. She felt too exposed. He moved his butterfly kisses back up towards her stomach. His lips decorated a little pattern. The ceiling was coming down faster. It was becoming more terrifying. She had to stop this. She had to -

Her breath caught. Effy coughed, trying to breathe. She couldn't. She felt like someone had wrapped their hands around her neck and was squeezing to the point where they wouldn't let go. This was too consuming. He was too close. This wasn't right.

"No!" she yelped, breaking away. Her whole body was shaking and her skin crawled. It was as if spiders were walking all over her. Freddie stared at her with a wounded expression. "Effy? What's wrong- what?.." He reached a hand out to her but she slapped it away. "Don't touch me!" she shouted, backing up against her headboard. She watched Freddie's face fall. He didn't know what had just happened. Neither did Effy to be honest but she knew she hadn't liked it. "Effy.. babe.. what have I done?"

Effy shook her head with her eyes tight shut. She couldn't look at him, see his upset face, knowing she was the one who'd caused this. She knew he loved her and she loved him too. But she couldn't show it. What was wrong with her?

Freddie dragged himself away from her and pulled his shirt back on. His mouth was set in an angry line. Tears glistening in her eyes, she quietly whispered, "Freddie.." and reached a shaking hand out to his back. He shifted away from her touch. "I'm getting sick of this. You always push me away. Why can't you just accept that I love you?"

Effy's tears fell as he put on his shoes and flung his skateboard under his arm. "See you later, Ef."

She flinched as her bedroom door slammed shut.

(_I don't know whether this is good or not, but hope you enjoyed!)_


	3. Chapter 3

**Freddie is sitting in his shed smoking a joint. His expression isn't giving anything away but his body language is. His fingers clench the lit joint and his fingers shake as he brings it to his full lips and inhales. He ruffles his black hair into a more messy state. Sighing, he leans back against the old car that stands stationary in the middle of the shed and looks up when his door opens. **

"Alright my man, what's happening?" Cook bellowed, entering the shed in his usual boisterous manner. Freddie rolled his eyes and inhaled on his joint some more. He groaned as Cook turned on the static radio and sang along to Joy Division's _Love Will Tear Us Apart_. "Smile Fredster!" Cook said, flopping down beside him and taking the joint from his friend and inhaling. Freddie shook his head and said nothing. After leaving Effy's house feeling pissed off, he just wanted to be alone so he could vent. He knew Effy brought a lot of baggage but he had no idea how complex this baggage was. It was tiring him out. But for some fucked up reason, he couldn't leave her. No. He loved her and didn't want to let her go. She confused him. One minute she'd be happy and laughing and slagging him off, the next she'd become erratic, emotional and scared. She kept him at arms length and he knew why. She was too scared to open up and let him love her. He knew about her parents splitting up – hell, he'd been there when it was happening. _"TAKE ANYTHING YOU WANT, YOU BOUGHT IT ALL WITH YOUR PRECIOUS MONEY! IT'LL ALL JUST GO TO CUNTING OXFAM!.." "DON'T YOU DARE USE CUNT AND OXFAM IN THE SAME SENTENCE!"_ Jesus, Freddie could see why Effy didn't like love. She'd seen it with her brother and his girlfriend Michelle, always arguing. But he didn't understand why she didn't let him through. He wasn't going to hurt her. If anything, he was only going to make things better.

"Freds.. Fred.. Freddie-" Freddie's attention turned back to Cook who was sitting there looking at him expectantly. Freddie blinked. "Yeah?"

Cook frowned. "I was asking if you were up to go to Naomi's tonight? She's having a shindig. We can get some drink, pills, some clunge-" He broke off. Cook knew that Freddie would get clunge but it would be clunge of the Effy kind. Effy was a sensitive subject between Cook and Freddie, mostly due to the fact Cook had once loved her – the only girl he'd ever loved in the world. And Freddie, his best friend, had got her. She'd picked him.

Cook cleared his throat. "Yeah so um.. you going?"

"I don't feel like it."

"Why not man?"

Freddie dropped the joint on the floor and put it out with the sole of his shoe. "I just don't want to."

Cook bit his lip. He had a vague idea why but he didn't want to ask. Wiping his nose on his hand, he stood up. "Right, love you and leave you Fredster. See you tonight."

Freddie's heart sank. He knew he'd end up going to Naomi's. When Cook wanted something, he got it. Freddie said no to him more often than their other best friend JJ but sometimes Cook didn't listen. Maybe he just didn't want to.

Now alone in his shed, Freddie contemplated moving and getting ready for Naomi's. He'd have to have a shower, he hadn't had one in two days. This was what life with Effy was like. You forgot you had other responsibilities such as course work, family, cleaning yourself. Everything about her consumed you and nothing else mattered. It was one of the most twisted things about being with her, yet Freddie couldn't escape.

To be honest, he didn't want to.

_(It's a bit short but I'd appreciate comments as I've never done fanfiction before! Love and leave you)_


	4. Chapter 4

**About fifty teenagers are all crammed into this two bedroom house. The rooms are dimly lit, the only lights are coming from blue star-shaped fairy lights that hang from the door frames. The song Drop Down by Designer Drugs plays from the iPod docks that sit in the crowded living room, which has some teenagers dancing in a trance-like state, some girls and boys pulling on the sofa, a group of guys smoking some joints. A red-headed girl is kissing a beautiful blonde girl, both don't realise they're being watched by the redheads twin sister, who looks like she wants to cry. A curly haired boy with braces is distributing a stack of cards to a blonde girl with bunches in her hair. She looks easily impressed.**

Pandora cheered happily when JJ produced a digestive biscuit from behind his cards. "Like it?" he asked her. She nodded quickly. "Of course I did you silly moob! It was whizzer!.. Like, digestive biscuits. Can I eat it?"

Smiling, JJ handed her the biscuit and put his cards into his pocket when he saw Cook and Freddie enter the room. Cook was looking incredibly cheerful – maybe that was cause he'd just swallowed a bunch of pills he hadn't tried before. Freddie was looking the complete opposite – his eyes were tired and he looked downcast. JJ made a mental note to ask what was up with him, but this was soon answered when he noticed Effy was sitting on the living room floor and looking a bit too worse for wear. She had seen Freddie enter and from what JJ could see, she didn't like it. Her eyes were cold.

"J-Kins my man! How's it going?" Cook shouted, jumping on him and slapping him gently at the same time. JJ laughed nervously. He never knew how to behave around Cook when he was all drugged up. "Positively good!" he answered. He stole a look at Freddie, who was standing there looking awkward. He could feel Effy's eyes boring into him.

"Freds? You ok?" JJ asked. Freddie nodded mutely and took a joint out his pocket. He looked around for a lighter and located a girl with black hair holding onto a pink one. He went over and JJ watched as they engaged in light conversation.

"So J, I have business to attend to tonight and you, my lovely fruitbat, are going to help me. See any good clunge?" Cook asked, scanning the room like a hawk. JJ blushed. "Umm.. I saw Emily but she was with Naomi. So, no." Cook looked at him with a sympathetic look. "Aw man. At least you got a quick shag, be happy."

Yeah. Cause that was really going to help with JJ's burning desire to get into her flower-printed pants again.

With no warning, a shout was heard and a scream.

The girl who Freddie had gone to for a lighter was now screaming at Effy, who was standing in front of her with a look that could kill. "

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" she shrieked, batting at her hair. Which Effy had, quite amazingly, set on fire. "Jesus, Effy!" Freddie shouted. He rubbed at the girls hair, managing to get the small flame out. Effy didn't convey any emotion. She just stood there, silent, watching Freddie through those catlike green eyes of hers. If Freddie thought about it any deeper, he'd probably have realised she was secretly saying _Talk to me instead._

"JUST WHAT THE HELL?" Freddie yelled, as he dragged Effy out the room and into the bathroom. He shut the door on them, not wanting anyone to hear or see them.

Effy said nothing.

Freddie paced around the bathroom, his head in his hands. "YOU SET A GIRLS HAIR ON FIRE. ACTUAL FLAMES. THAT BURN. JUST WHAT THE FUCK? HOW FUCKING STUPID CAN YOU BE?"

Effy said nothing.

"WE WERE ONLY TALKING. IN FACT, SHE WAS TELLING ME ABOUT VISITING HER BOYFRIEND IN LONDON SINCE HE'S JUST MOVED THERE. NOTHING ELSE. THERE WAS NO REASON TO SET HER HAIR ON FIRE!"

Effy said nothing.

"AND HOW CAN YOU MESS WITH MY HEAD LIKE THIS? ONE MINUTE YOU CAN'T BE NEAR ME, THE NEXT YOU'RE WANTING ME THERE. SO MUCH SO, YOU SET A GIRLS HAIR ON FIRE!"

Effy said nothing.

"I'M GETTING SICK OF IT, EF! I LOVE YOU, ONLY YOU. DON'T PUSH ME AWAY! IF YOU LOVED ME, YOU'D LET ME IN-"

"BUT I DO LOVE YOU!" Effy screamed.

Freddie said nothing.

Tears streamed down Effy's cheeks. Her whole body shook and she clenched her fists, drawing blood from the pressure of her nails. She slid down the wall and onto the floor, where she sat clutching her head and staring up at him. "I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING! I DO! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU. BUT I CAN'T DO IT FRED. I CAN'T SHOW IT TO YOU. I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT. I HAVE A WALL AROUND ME SO I'M SAFE. I'M NOT SAFE IF I SHOW YOU! BUT I LOVE YOU AND IT KILLS ME SO MUCH THAT YOU HAVE NO IDEA! I LOVE YOU!"

She collapsed into tears, hiccuping and breathing heavily. Freddie stared at her in disbelief. That was probably the most Effy had ever talked, _ever._ And she'd actually opened up. She never did that.

He bent down and took her elbow. She groaned, trying to bat him away but he persisted. He soon had her up against the wall, holding her up as she tried to avoid his gaze and hide her tears. It didn't work. The tears spilled, causing her eyeliner to streak down her cheeks. He took his index finger and stroked her cheekbone, trying to bring her face to his. "N-N-No.." she whispered. He ignored her, stroking her cheek and gently pulling her chin up so she looked at him. He delicately kissed her tears away, pressing his forehead to hers. "F-F-Freddie.." she murmered. Her breath caught as his lips caught hers. First gentle, then something in her amplified the pressure. He lifted her legs so she was wrapped around him against the tiled wall and she flung her arms around his neck. Hungrily, they kissed more, until clothes were off and you could hear Freddie unlocking his metal belt, which fell to the floor with a metallic smash. More kissing. His hands in her hair, she only wanted to be stuck in this moment forever. Only now, this moment, would she surrender.

She'd put her weapons down. She'd face her beautiful enemy, the boy she was scared to love. She would surrender right now. But when time came, she'd pick up her weapons, fix her armour, and fight again.


	5. Chapter 5

**The party at Naomi's is still in full swing. The song has changed to 'Tear You Apart' by She Wants Revenge'. JJ has noticed Freddie and Effy haven't come out the bathroom in precisely eight minutes 13 seconds. Sipping a glass of mango juice, he spots Cook and the redheads twin talking to each other, both sitting down at the bottom of the stairs.**

Katie took a swig of vodka from her 70cl bottle. Cook watched her, eyebrows furrowed.

"Erm.. KitKat? Maybe you should slow down a bit, eh? You're beating me!" he said, half serious. Katie rolled her eyes and scanned the crowd of party people. She spotted them immeaditely.

"Ugh. Fucking bitch. Who does she think she is with her hands all over her? Fuck's sake.." she muttered bitterly. The "fucking bitch" in question was Naomi and the girl she had her hands "all over" was Katie's twin sister, Emily. Katie had tried to accept it, she really had. Ok fine, she'd accepted her sister was gay. She just hadn't accepted that her girlfriend was Naomi. Naomi was just a girl. She could hurt Emily. Katie didn't want that to happen.

In a strange, twisted way, she was fine with Emily's sexuality but she _wasn't_ fine with the idea of girls hurting her. No one was good enough for her twin.

Cook nudged her, breaking into her thoughts. "Cheer up babes. You've got Cookie. And that, babycakes, is more than enough." Katie sighed, took another drink from her vodka and turned to face Cook. "Oh is it?"

"Yup," Cook said, smiling a devilish smile.

Katie glanced at Emily and Naomi, who were now holding hands and walking to the kitchen. She had to accept this sometime. Sighing, she looked back at Cook. "Enough to make me forget my sister? Enough to forget Effy and her fucking Freddie?"

Cook winced. Effy and Freddie had had sex, just after Effy had hit Katie over the head with a rock at a camping trip. He also winced because of Effy's name.

Katie noticed this. "You're not over her, are you?"

Cook looked at the floor then grinned. "Course I am man!"

"No you're not. Right now, they're fucking. Fucking in that bathroom. You care."

"No I don't."

Katie smirked. "Get over her Cook."

"Get over Freddie and his adultery."

Katie's smirk faded. She looked at Cook with her brown eyes. Cook watched her intently, silently. Katie leant forward and whispered, "Help me."

**Cook and Katie head upstairs, Cook glancing behind to make sure no one sees. Pandora is dancing madly to a less mad song, Slave To Love (the cover by Roisin Murphy). The bathroom door opens and Freddie and Effy reveal themselves. Their hair is a mess. Effy's makeup is streaked. Freddie's fixing the fly on his jeans. As the lyric "The storm is breaking or so it seems/ We're too young to reason/ Too grown up to dream", Freddie kisses her forehead. **

"I love you," he whispered into her ear.

Effy smiled faintly. She was still shell shocked from what happened in the bathroom. She squeezed his hand firmly. "I'll talk to you about it soon, I need a drink," she told him, before kissing his cheek. Freddie smiled and watched her walk away into the kitchen to find some alcohol. He noticed JJ talking to Thomas, so wandered over.

"Hey guys!" he greeted them.

"Bonjour!" JJ said, practising the language Thomas knew so well. Thomas raised his hand and gave Freddie a "gangster" handshake. "Where's Cook?" Freddie asked. JJ bit his lip. "Upstairs."

"Ah getting the clunge he wanted then, eh?" Freddie laughed.

JJ laughed nervously. "Um yeah. Katie."

Freddie blinked. "Katie?"

"They went upstairs!" Thomas said excitedly. "Together!"

Freddie nodded slowly. Cook really did get into sticky situations, didn't he?

**As if on cue, Cook and Katie enter the room. JJ calculates that they've been gone for six minutes 29 seconds. Cook looks relaxed without any worries. Katie, on the other hand, looks ashamed and slightly shocked. The song Out of Control by Chemical Brothers plays loudly out the speakers. Freddie sees Effy with a shot of tequila in her hand and down it. She puts the shotglass down on a table shakily, not noticing it fall over and roll across. Freddie goes over to see if she's alright. **

"You okay, beautiful?" he asked quietly, wrapping his arms around her. Effy shrugged him off. "Yeah."

Freddie frowned. He was hoping against _hope_ that she was just being cold because of the alcohol. He stroked her shoulder, which she let him do. Freddie smiled. It was ok. She was fine.

A lanky guy of about nineteen came over and cleared his throat. Effy held out her hand and he passed her a tiny bag.

"What the fu- Effy?" Freddie said, confused. Effy ignored him and handed the guy a twenty pound note. "Keep the change," she said flatly. Freddie saw the bag held white powder.

"Effy.." his tone was nervous. Effy rolled her eyes. "Calm down, _lover._"

She spotted Freddie's shoulders drop. Maybe that was a little cruel. She nearly reached out to kiss him but something in her stopped her doing so.

_Don't give in. He had you in the bathroom. Now he can't get close again. You gave him what he wanted._

Effy focused on the tiny bag. It helped her only think about the powder inside.

Nothing else.


	6. Chapter 6

**The party at Naomi's has come down. The star shaped fairy lights are flickering, close to death. Empty bottles of alcohol lie abandoned on the floor. Teenagers sleep anywhere they've fallen. The song Living In Misery by Kill Hannah quietly plays from the speakers and echoes around the silent house. The teenagers that _are_ still awake are gathering themselves up to leave. JJ is with Freddie, who is distracted and anxious.**

"Fuck's sake, where is she?" Freddie panicked, looking around. JJ closed his eyes and counted to ten. He could kill Effy and her unpredictability sometimes. "I swear J, she was with me five minutes ago! I can't find her anywhere!"

Freddie clutched his head and stormed into the bathroom. No, she wasn't there.

JJ followed him to the kitchen. No.

"OH GOD!" Freddie wailed. His heart was pounding. He'd last seen her with the bag of coke. She'd walked away from him and went upstairs. When he'd tried to follow, she looked at him with a stare that could challenge Medusa, causing him to back off and go hang out with JJ and his pack of cards. Now he couldn't find her. She wasn't upstairs any more.

"FUCK!" Freddie shouted, kicking the washing machine. JJ flinched. He didn't like seeing Freddie like this. He preferred him happy, chilled, no worries. But Effy didn't make him like that. In the past 12 months, JJ had seen Freddie practically age twenty years.

"Calm down Freds.. we'll find her," JJ assured him. "Don't get so locked on."

Freddie glared at him.

JJ shut up. Seeing Pandora, he asked if she'd been with Effy at all.

"I was doing surf and turf baby!" she answered cheerfully. Freddie resisted the urge to strangle her. Her dippiness was _not_ what he needed right now. Where was Effy? She'd just had cocaine. Fuck knows what state she'd be in now. Why couldn't he have just stayed with her? Ignored her refusal to be with him? She was his girlfriend. No – she was more than that. In his eyes, she was everything.

"GOD!" Freddie yelled, frustrated. He HAD to find her. He wasn't leaving until he did. Taking out his mobile, he called her. She was No. 1 on his dial list.

"_I'm sorry but the person you're calling is unavailable, please leave a mes_-" Freddie snapped the phone shut. He shut his eyes tight, trying hard not to let tears escape. His heart was hammering against his ribcage. His forehead was burning up. Sweat broke out in the palms of his hands. Wiping his brow, he shook his head and set off in the direction of the garden. He'd looked there before, but that was when it had been full of people. Now, it was empty due to the freezing cold. He held out his phone, using the lit up screen as a torch.

"Freds, do you really think she's going to be in the garden? She's a refined girl, I'm sure she has better taste.." JJ said, now on a tangent. Freddie shook his head. "JJ, Effy is not refined. And the garden's the only place I haven't properly checked."

They walked a whole lap round. Nothing.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Freddie burst out, dropping to his knees on the wet grass. He was tired. Physically. Emotionally. This was too much. Taking out his phone, he called her again.

"Freds!" JJ cried. Freddie had heard it too. A phone was ringing nearby. "Fuuck.. where is she?.. What the hell?" Freddie muttered, desperately looking around.

"FREDDIE!" JJ shouted. Freddie turned. JJ was pointing into the garden shed. "LOOK!"

Getting up at lightning speed, Freddie ran to the shed, panting.

He wasn't sure whether or not to be relieved.

He'd found Effy.

But she was lying there motionless, phone beside her.

"Oh no.." he breathed. He hoped to God she was still breathing. Her body was curled up in the foetal position. She looked vulnerable, delicate, fragile.. she always looked like that. Goosebumps covered her pale arms that were gathered up into her chest. Freddie wanted to curl up beside her, hold her close and keep her warm. He wanted the vulnerability to leave her alone forever.

"She's ok," JJ told him, taking his hand away from her pulse. Freddie nodded numbly. JJ watched as he took off his hoodie and carefully wrapped it around the unconscious, frozen angel on the floor below them. He then picked her up, her covered body strewn over his tanned arms. "Come on honey.." Freddie whispered into Effy's ear, not caring that she couldn't hear him. All he cared about was taking her back to his house, where she would sleep in his bed, back in the warmth. Her mother, Anthea, wasn't home and Effy had no keys with her. She didn't care about anything.

Apart from Freddie, apparently.

After Freddie had dropped JJ off at his house, he carried Effy until he reached his. He struggled to get his keys out and open the door while holding her, but after a few attempts, the door creaked open and he was inside.

"Oh what the HELL?"

Freddie looked up to see his sister, Karen, standing at the top of the stairs. "Not now Karen.." he said firmly, putting his keys down and re-adjusting Effy's body. "This is getting sick – she's always passing out! God! How careless can you get?" Karen ranted. Freddie pushed past her, blocking out everything she said. He'd heard her opinions about Effy before and to be honest, he never listened. Karen didn't _know_ Effy. Therefore, she had no right to judge or call her every name under the sun. "Freddie, when are you going to get some sense into your head and dump the girl? How can you handle her being all depressed? It's as if you enjoy it – first mum, now Ef-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Freddie shouted angrily. "JUST SHUT UP! DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT HER LIKE THAT! JUST DON'T!"

Karen smirked. "Talk about who? Mum or that out of control girlfriend of yours?"

Freddie went silent. Staring over his sister with his chocolate brown eyes, he looked like he could kill her. "You're gonna regret that." He turned away, leaving Karen with the threat of tears glistening in her eyes. _You've gone too far.._

Freddie lay Effy down underneath the covers. Gently, he fluffed up the pillows and wrapped the covers right into her. There. She'd be warm again. She'd be safe. Taking off his shirt and jeans, he curled up beside her, like he'd wanted to in the shed where he'd found her. With him there, she'd always be safe.

He'd make sure of it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Effy and Freddie are sleeping in Freddie's bed. Freddie is spooning her, his face snuggled into the crook of her neck, his black hair matted and covering his forehead. Effy's eyes slowly drift open, squinting from the crack of light that's made its way through the tiny gap in the dark curtains. **

She could feel his heart beating against her back and the warm easy breaths he took which tickled her neck. His hand was clenched over her fist. Effy let her finger wander over to his hand and gently trace it on his skin in a circle. His skin was beautiful. Tanned, smooth, always cool to touch. Carefully turning over so she wouldn't wake him, she watched his sleeping face. He looked so peaceful, so lovely.. she'd hurt this beautiful boy last night. Well, she thought she had. She had a vague recollection. His pained eyes still echoed in her mind. She'd hurt him. Blinking away tears of frustration, she turned away.

"Hey.." his cracked voice broke the silence. He gently pulled her back and she allowed herself to roll back into him. "Hey," she murmered. Freddie smiled faintly. Effy felt this huge flood of love for him. What else could it be? Hate? No. She could never hate him. But she could love him.. she just couldn't show it.

She snuggled into his chest, pushing away these thoughts and inhaled his ashy, boy smell.

Sometimes, she worried that her problem with showing love would make him think she hated him. He'd get tired of it and leave her alone and never come back.

She didn't want this to happen.

But for some fucked up, twisted reason, she couldn't tell him this.

"Listen.. last night.." he began. Effy's heart froze. She knew it, she'd hurt him. Fuck. "Last night.. you really scared me. You had coke and disappeared. I couldn't find you for ages and JJ saw you lying passed out in the shed. Ef, you've got to stop. Please."

His eyes were pleading with her. He'd had enough. But for some fucked up, twisted reason... he wasn't leaving her.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

Did he _enjoy_ the hurt and anger she made him feel?

Just, what...

"I'm sorry," was all she said. She was sorry but not enough to make her feel sorry for him. He could easily leave if he wanted to but he didn't.

She stopped herself. It wasn't Freddie's fault. He loved her, he always said it. He was in too deep, drowning, but it wasn't his fault.

_So don't blame him, you bitch.._ she told herself.

"I think we need to work on this.. like, us. Go on dates."

"Dates?"

Freddie nodded. "Yeah, dates. We don't do that."

"I don't like dates."

"Effy, _please."_

He was trying so hard to make this work. He needed her to open up and let him through. If only she'd let him through...

Effy swallowed. So he was in it for the long run. _Till death do you part_ kind of stuff. "Ok Freddie. Ok," she whispered. Smiling with relief, he pulled her close and kissed her hard on the mouth. Maybe, if they tried, they would be ok. Effy would be ok. She _had_ to be ok.


	8. Chapter 8

**Freddie sits at his kitchen room table, half his attention on his history book and the other on his mobile. He's dialling someone. As he waits for his call to be answered, he looks down at the history book, sighs and pushes it aside. Homework can wait. This was more important. **

"Hello, Mama Roma restaurant, how may I help you?"

Freddie cleared his throat. "Erm yeah, hi, I'd like to book a table for Saturday night?"

"Sure, what time?"

"About 8ish?"

He heard scribbling through the phone. "That's fine, under what name?"

"Freddie McClair."

"How many people?"

"Two."

"Ok, that's booked for you. See you on Saturday, ciao..."

The line went dead. Freddie frowned. If he was a person taking reservations at a restaurant, he'd be much more friendly towards potential customers. But he wasn't, he was still at college, sitting A Levels he wasn't going to pass because he couldn't concentrate on his history homework.

Only Effy.

If Effy was there, right now, they'd probably be shagging.

He remembered the first time he ever saw her. She'd been sitting in her dad's car after he'd crashed it into a bollard due to a loose bike lying on the road. As she'd watched him, she'd took out a cigarette, lit it and placed it between her lips. Her gaze, hypnotic, never left his face. If he'd known what she was like, what she was going to make _him_ like, would he have pursued her relentlessly? Would he have gone against Cook, the rival who took her then watched as she escaped from his grasp?

He honestly didn't know.

Picking up his mobile and fishing in his jeans pocket for a spare spliff, he wandered out the kitchen, leaving the history book behind.

**Reservation at Mama Roma for 8 on sat. I love you x **

Effy closed her eyes after she read Freddie's text.

_Don't fucking freak out.._ she told herself.

She sat down and stared at her bedroom mirror. Just staring. Her hair was matted, as usual. Her eyes were green and catlike, her eyeliner smudged beyond belief.

She was an evil bitch.

It was as if she'd been taken out her body and had no control. First, her phone flew from her hand and fell to the other side of the room, stopping short of the wall and landing with a clatter. Then, her stray eyeliners rolled off the dressing table. Her book was slammed onto the floor. Her hands, shaking, were no longer attached to her wrists. They swept the rest of her stuff to the floor with a smash, breaking a perfume bottle. The contents leaked over her bare feet but she didn't notice.

She was an evil bitch.

Before she could stop herself, her mirror smashed violently.

Only now did she stop.

Numbly, she sat down again. Her hand was covered in her blood. A piece of glass stuck out of her skin, threatening to stay there if she didn't take it out.

_Take it out._

Freddie – no. No. She couldn't.

_Take it out._

He wanted them to work.

_Take it out._

She couldn't-

_Take it out._

With a cry, she slowly pulled the glass out of her hand. The blood flowed more.

_Take it out._

But it was out..

_Take it out. _

"Freddie.." she murmured. Her eyes drifted shut. Her body collapsed. The pain was gone.

_Take it out._

**Hope you enjoyed! Reviews would be much appreciated! :) TAKE IT OUT! **


	9. Chapter 9

"You say 'I love you, boy'  
I know you lie  
I trust you all the same  
I don't know why

'Cos when my back is turned  
My bruises shine  
Our broken fairytale  
So hard to hide.."

-Many of Horror, Biffy Clyro 3

**Freddie sits at a table for two at an Italian restaurant. The chair opposite him is empty. He checks his mobile for the eighteenth time since sitting down twenty minutes before. Effy hasn't replied to his texts and missed calls. It's raining heavily outside, maybe she got caught in the rain which is why she's taking so long.. **

"Um.. is there any chance of you ordering anything soon?"

Freddie blinked and looked up at the bored looking waitress standing by his table. "I'm not ordering till she comes."

"Riiiight.. and who is she exactly?"

"My girl-" _could he even call her his girlfriend?_- "My girlfriend."

The waitress nodded and snapped a bit of chewing gum in her mouth. "Aww that's a shame.. seems all the cute ones are taken."

Freddie's attention snapped to her, just like her chewing gum. "Wha?"

The waitress smirked. "Nothing honey."

She walked away, leaving him very confused and bored. Where was Effy?

**Across town, Effy sits on a barstool at a busy bar. She's not talking to anyone. She's left her mobile at home, she'd cracked the screen by mistake when she'd thrown it yesterday. The rain outside doesn't make her feel any more inclined to leave, despite the fact Freddie was expecting her. Freddie..**

Effy downed a shot of vodka down her neck. After the catastrophe with the mirror, she'd woken up from her collapsed heap and ran out the house towards safety. Her place of refuge was this bar just away from the harbour and she wasn't planning on leaving any time soon. She needed to escape from this claustrophobic monster that she and Freddie called 'love'. Effy didn't want to hurt him, she really didn't. But if they weren't together, he wouldn't be hurt either. He shouldn't want her.

Effy sensed a man of about twenty-four was looking at her from across the bar. Looking up, she challenged him with a vacant look. He was tanned, had black hair.. he looked like an older version of Freddie.

_Freddie._

The Freddie lookalike got up from his stool and wandered over. "You okay there babe?"

Effy nodded. His eyes searched her, taking her in. As usual, Effy had cast her spell through no fault of her own. Her sheer enigma had captured him, just like what had happened with Cook, with Freddie. He watched as she took another shot and closed her eyes savouring the taste.

Her eyes opened when he nudged her hand with his. His hands were big, rough and calloused, like Freddie's. Silently, she took his hand and brought it up to her lips. He watched her, transfixed, as she gently kissed his thumb.

Ten minutes and two shots later, she was in the bar toilets, up against the sink. Her eyes were screwed up tight and her underwear was round her ankles.

The Freddie lookalike was up against her and kissing her neck.

He was helping her escape.

But all she could see was Freddie. Even when she closed her eyes and tried to block out this guy's breathing in her ear, all she saw was Freddie.

He was probably in the restaurant now, still waiting for her, waiting for her to stop fucking this guy. This guy may look like Freddie but he wasn't the real thing.

No one was like the real thing.

Before she could hear his satisfaction echo in her ear, she pushed him away. "NO!" she shouted, tears streaming down her cheeks. She ran out the toilets away from him and out the bar.

She was escaping back to her place of refuge.

Freddie nearly had a heart attack when his bedroom door burst open and in ran a hysterical Effy.

"I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!" she wailed, throwing herself at him.

"What, about missing the restaurant date? Ef, I'm over it.." Freddie said into her hair.

"NO! NOT THAT!" she shouted, sobbing into his chest. "I-I-I'M SORRY!"

"Hey, shhh.." he soothed her. "Why are you sorry?"

"F-F-For everything," she hiccuped.

Freddie cupped her face with his hands. Effy couldn't believe what she'd just done. _How_ could she? What was wrong with her? She didn't deserve him.

"W-W-Walk away now or I'll ruin you," she murmered. She didn't mean it as a threat, she meant it as a word of warning.


	10. Chapter 10

"We're not falling in love,

We're just falling apart.."

-Fer Sure, The Medic Droid

**Freddie and Effy are standing facing each other. Effy is shaking, fists clenched, tears running down her cheeks. All you can hear is the sound of Freddie's alarm clock, ticking away the time. Freddie's face is frozen. **

Freddie sat down on his bed, numb. He didn't know what to say. Effy had told him what she'd just done. She'd – no he couldn't think about it. She'd – no. No. _She'd fucked another guy when she was meant to be meeting him for a date. _She was meant to be seeing him but she'd gone to some grungy bar and shagged a guy in the toilets. She'd done this while he'd been waiting at a restaurant table like some idiot. Did she even love him? How could she if this is what she did? Anger flooded him.

"JUST WHAT THE FUCK?" he suddenly shouted. Effy flinched. "JUST WHAT THE FUCK EFFY?"

Effy shut her eyes, refusing to look at him. She couldn't, she didn't want to see the hurt in his eyes. She was too scared to see what he looked like now she'd told him something true. She could hear him getting up from the bed and kick his skateboard to the side of the room. She yelped in surprise when she felt his hands grip her arms and push her into the wall.

"Do you even love me?" he spat.

"I-I-I-"

"Don't you fucking hide from me this time," he growled, "Just tell me. Do you love me? Cause if you did, you wouldn't do this. And don't tell me you can't love someone because I know you can. You left Cook like a helpless child for me. You ran away from me the whole time and finally gave in. I thought I _had_ you finally-"

He broke off as a sob escaped from his throat. Effy cried as she felt his body shake against hers. This was what she had reduced him to - crying in front of her. She really was an evil bitch. He didn't deserve this.

"I-I don't deserve this!" he whispered, resting his forehead on hers. "Your constant mindfucking me, it's not right.. from the beginning I _knew_ you were tough to handle but this is beyond anything. It's my own fault getting caught up in this and what sucks is the fact I can't _leave_ because I love you too fucking much. That's your stupid fucking fault because if you weren't so amazing, I could just let go-"

"I'm _not_ amazing!" Effy choked out. "I'm an evil bitch! You're better off without me-" "That's not true," Freddie cut in.

"Freddie. I fucked someone else-"

"And that I can't forgive right now but _please_, just accept that we are meant to fucking be together." Effy stared into his brown eyes and knew he wasn't going to give up. "Fred.. you don't need me."

"Why are you so hell bent on making me leave you? Do you _want_ me to leave you, is that it?"

"No!"

"Then why are you telling me to? I CAN'T READ YOUR FUCKING MIND, EFFY. I DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME. YOU PUSH ME AWAY BUT YOU SAY YOU WANT ME. YOU TELL ME TO LEAVE YOU BUT YOU DON'T REALLY MEAN IT. WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

Effy shoved him away from her and rubbed her eyes furiously. "Just fuck off Freddie!"

The mood had changed. It was no longer a romantic scene but a furious argument. "Face it, you don't love me and you never will!" Freddie yelled. Effy pushed past him. "You don't know what you're fucking saying!" she screamed. He grabbed her wrists and pulled her forward. "Ow! Freddie, let go of me!"

"Just admit the truth!" he ordered, frustrated.

"I've already told you before! You've got me, I feel love for you but I CAN'T SHOW IT TO YOU. I'VE TOLD YOU THIS, WEREN'T YOU LISTENING?"

"I was but then you acted as if you'd changed! I found you in that shed at Naomi's and I saw you for what you were! Delicate, fragile, needing me!"

"DON'T FUCKING FLATTER YOURSELF!"

"YOU KNOW IT'S THE TRUTH!"

Effy looked up at him with anger flashing in her eyes. "FINE. IT'S THE TRUTH. DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHY I WAS IN THAT SHED IN THE FIRST PLACE?" Freddie narrowed his eyes and leant down towards her. "Every fucking day."

"I was in there because it reminded me of _your_ fucking shed. I'd just had coke and I felt like shit. I wanted you but couldn't find you so I went into that shed, pretending it was yours. I knew you would find me if I was in that shed. Your shed is a good place to hide."

Freddie was speechless. He didn't know what to say or feel. Should he feel assured? Happy? Irritated?

"I love you Freddie but don't fucking expect me to show it. Dates don't work. I'm not a dating kind of girl. Ask Cook, he'd probably say I like it 'mindless'-"

Freddie gripped her shoulders and pushed her into the corner of the wall. "Don't say his name."

"Cook."

"Just don't.."

"Mindless," Effy spat, venom lacing her voice. Without warning, Freddie kissed her roughly. His hands in her hair, he pulled her closer and she didn't protest. For some twisted reason, the mention of Cook had made Freddie want her again. Maybe it was jealousy, maybe it was the threat Cook possessed, but as his lips were on hers, Freddie knew he couldn't let her go.


	11. Chapter 11

_I've not had the chance to thank you for my reviews, so thank you! :D Anyway, aren't we feeling just a tad sorry for the Fredster? I know I am but that's what makes him more lovely. Read and review this one please, love and leave you xoxo_

This love is be and end all;

This love will be your downfall

This Love (Will Be Your Downfall), Ellie Goulding

**Effy has just left Freddie's house. Freddie now lies on his bed, smoking a spliff. **

As sudden as it came, a reminder of the past entered Freddie's thoughts.

He was six years old and still as scruffily cute as he was now. He'd ran into the kitchen, dumping his school bag on the floor and ran into a woman's arms. His mother's arms. "Hello sweetheart! Have a good day?" she asked as she cuddled him. He could smell the scent of vanilla that always lurked on her, he loved its sweetness.

"Yes mum! It was sooo fun, we were putting up Christmas decorations and Cook pinged his crayons into Frau Hilda's bra!"

"Poor Frau Hilda!" his mum laughed.

"And we've got a new girl!"

"Oo do you? What's her name?"

Freddie grinned, showing dazzling white teeth. "Her name's Florencia, she's from Italy! Mum, where's Italy? She makes us call her Flo."

His mum ruffled his hair and turned back to cooking tea on the stove. "Italy's a country in Europe, about a two hour plane journey from here. Beautiful country."

Freddie nodded happily, still giddy from his day. "And Flo was put beside me and she's really nice and funny. Cook pulled her hair for a joke, her hair's really nice."

"Sounds like someone has a crush on Flo!" his mum said with a wink.

"Who, Cook?"

"No, not _James_-" she refused to call him Cook - "you Frederick, silly!"

Freddie scowled but his face went pink. His mum smiled and poured herself a glass of white wine. "Freddie.. promise me something okay?"

"Okay..."

She knelt down in front of him. "Promise me that you'll treat every girl like she's a person. Because when you get married, I want you to treat her with respect and the love she deserves, can you do that?"

Freddie nodded dumbly.

"Good. And if you're ever with a girl you truly love, hold onto her. When I'm not here, I want you to hold onto that one girl and never let her go, no matter how much its hurts. Because love hurts, darling, but the girl is worth it."

Freddie nodded again. "But mum.. why won't you be here?"

"Just promise me, Freddie," she whispered, looking at him with her chocolate brown eyes, the eyes he shared with her. They were glistening with tears.

"I promise.." he murmered.

To this day, Freddie had kept that promise for his mother. It was the least he could do. Not only was it amazing life advice, but he owed it to her. She'd died a year later.

And he knew she'd have liked Effy.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you for my reviews, they make me smile! :) Like that! Anyway, as always, read and enjoy, reviews would be much appreciated. Love and leave you xoxo**

_But I can't help it  
If I'm just a fool  
Always having my heart  
Set on you _

_'Til the time  
you start changing  
The rules  
I'll keep chasing  
The soles  
Of your shoes _

_-Fool, Shakira _

"Nice talking to you, Ef."

"You too, Tone."

"Miss you."

"Miss you too."

The phone clicked and Effy sighed, wishing she could have talked to her brother more. Tony was the only person in the world who could really read her mind and see her for what she was. He could see through that facade she presented to the universe and she was okay with that. It was just other people she couldn't handle with letting in. Taking off her shirt, she walked across her room in her underwear and picked out a dark, ripped ensemble from her wardrobe. This was her usual armour and today, she was going to need it.

Katie was having a party. The girl who didn't like her after Effy had taken Freddie off her had invited her to a party at her house and Effy was being forced to go by Freddie, the boy who'd let himself be taken.

Effy entered the house which was stinking of alcohol and spliff. She clocked Freddie immeaditley and nodded her head. Freddie nodded too, not sure about what to do. Should he go over and kiss her? Or say hello?

This was ridiculous. He'd go over and act normal.

"Hey," he said, gently taking her hand. Effy let him do it. Silently, she watched the party as people danced and drank and got off with each other. She saw Cook glance over at them and look away. Freddie ran his thumb over the palm of her hand and she felt herself slightly relax from its rhythm. "Are you okay?" he whispered into her ear. She nodded quickly, not inviting any questions. She closed her eyes when she noticed Katie had come into the room. Katie looked at Cook and avoided him completley, choosing to laugh at something someone was saying, despite not being part of the conversation.

Three hours later and Effy was sitting in Freddie's lap. Right now, she was actually acting _normal_. She'd let Freddie hold her hand and kiss her cheek because she'd felt weary. She was tired of battling him off. Maybe it was Tony's phonecall to her that day but she knew that right now, Tony was gone and Freddie was here. Freddie was her protector right now. Her hand in his tightened when Katie lurched over to them, drink in hand.

"Here are the lovebirds!" she trilled. "How are you doing?"

Effy didn't answer. Freddie cleared his throat and muttered, "We're fine Katie. How are you?"

"I AM FUCKED!" she answered, laughing loudly. "I love my vodka.." she stage whispered, winking. Emily glanced over and told them not to listen to her, she was "just drunk". Katie shooed her sister away. "I am not, Emily! You're a lesbian, you should know how girls work!"

Emily glared. "That's fucking nice." Katie shot her the middle finger as Emily left the room to get away from her twin.

Katie looked down at Freddie and Effy's hand entwined together. "How cute," she said sharply. Freddie's grip on Effy tightened. Cook made his way though the crowd and took a hold of Katie, sensing trouble. "Um Katie.. come on, let's get some water down you."

Katie shoved him away. "FUCK OFF COOK!" she yelled. "Keep your disgusting hands off me! You already had your way with me at Panda's so now you can just fuck off!"

Cook raised his eyebrows and shook his head. "No need for the abuse, babe."

"I AM NOT YOUR BABE. I NEVER WANT TO BE YOUR BABE. I WANT TO BE HIS BABE!" she screamed before pointing a shaking finger at Freddie. "What the hell?" Freddie said, shocked at her outburst. "Since when?"

"SINCE YOU FUCKED THAT TRAMP SITTING ON YOU, THAT'S WHEN!" Katie shrieked with frustration. Effy flinched at her words. Normally, this wouldn't bother her but her defences were down and all she felt was hurt. "DON'T FUCKING CALL HER THAT!" Freddie yelled, standing up and staring into Katie's face. A stare that Katie took advantage of. Before Freddie could protest, she'd pulled him into her and kissed him on the lips. Her hands ran over his chest and up to his hair, gripping the dark locks for dear life. This is what Katie wanted. Cook watched in disbelief while Effy jumped up from the sofa and ran out the room. Freddie finally reacted after he managed to push Katie away from him. "NO KATIE!" he shouted. "I'M WITH EFFY!"

"OH REALLY? I'M SORRY BUT I WOULDN'T FUCKING CALL THAT A RELATIONSHIP."

Freddie had to stop himself from grabbing her. If Cook's hands hadn't shot out and held him back, he would have, he didn't care if it was Katie, or a girl for that matter. "Don't, Fred!" Cook ordered. "Just don't. She's drunk."

Freddie breathed in and out heavily. "Where's Effy?" he asked, his voice thick. Cook nodded his head towards the door and Freddie stormed out, trying to find her. Again, trying to find her at a party. She'd acted normal tonight and still, she'd run off and he couldn't find her.

He found her sitting on the kerb outside. She was smoking a cigarette and she was shaking from the cold. "Hey," he muttered. Effy looked up with her green eyes and nodded.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting Katie to-"

"I know," she answered shortly.

Silence. What was he meant to do now?

"I tried to be normal tonight," she whispered. "Did I do okay?"

Freddie stared at her, his eyes wide. She was asking him about _herself_. Was she letting him in?

"You were amazing, Ef."

She nodded. More silence.

"How was your kiss with Katie?" she asked, smiling faintly.

"Stunk of vodka. Nothing like you."

Effy rolled her eyes and turned to him. She studied his face and took in his beautiful features. His dark eyes, his full lips. Those lips. She traced a finger over them and smiled as he closed his eyes at her touch. Taking the opportunity, she kissed his lips and took in his ashy, boy smell.

"You're confusing.." he murmered when she pulled away.

Effy looked at the ground and blinked back tears. She was confusing. Not twisted. Not frustrating. Not dangerous. Not fucked up.

Just confusing.


	13. Chapter 13

**Again, thank you for my reviews :) Please keep reading and reviewing, I know I don't update that much, it's cause I'm busy and have no time, but I smile whenever I get a new one :) Hope you enjoy!**

_People are fragile things  
You should know by now  
Be careful what you put them through  
People are fragile things  
You should know by now  
You'll speak when you're spoken to _

_-Munich, The Editors_

"**Get your fucking hands off me. As if _you_ could take him from me, God you're so _up_ yourself, your life's so shit you want to crap all over mine? DON'T invite fucking pyschos to my party and don't push your FLAT LITTLE TITS in my boyfriends' face, ok? I said OK? Cause I swear babes, I'm serious, if you ever try and touch anything that belongs to me AGAIN, I will fuck- you- up. Ok? I said ok?" HAND CLUTCHES ROCK. ROCK MAKES CONTACT. CRACK. BLOOD.**

**Effy wakes up with a start, heart racing, body sweating.**

"Fuck..." Effy whispered, trying to breathe. Her chest was tight and her heart was beating like mad against her ribcage. Her thin fingers gripped the corner of her duvet, struggling to hold on to a sense of normality. _You can get through this.._ she told herself as she breathed in and out. Screwing her eyes tight shut, she tried to calm herself down by thinking of happy thoughts. But she could think of nothing. Since that party at Katie's where she'd _tried_ to be normal, she'd been having the same flashback every night while she slept. Her and Katie in the woods. Katie attacking her over Freddie. Effy using a rock as self defence. The rock smashing against Katie's skull. Effy leaving her limp body in the woods. Her and Freddie having sex _while_ Katie's limp body lay in the woods. Katie's nine stitches.

No wonder Effy had woken up for the past seven nights in the exact same state.

Freddie opened his eyes wearily as he was awakened by the sound of his mobile ringing by his ear. Groaning, he looked at the alarm clock. 2.30am. It was probably Cook calling to inform him about the clunge he'd gotten at some party.

He frowned when he saw he was wrong.

"Effy?" he answered.

Heavy breathing filled his ears as he listened to her on the other end of the phone. "Ef? Ef, is that you?"

"F-F-Fred.."

Freddie sat up quickly, not caring that the sudden movement caused his head to spin. Effy never called him and she especially never called him at two thirty in the morning. Either she'd been drinking – not possible because she usually KO'd after one vodka too many – or she was really upset. Freddie was going to go with the second option.

"What's wrong Ef?"

"I-I-..." she struggled to speak. "I-I can't breathe. I keep d-d-dreaming of K-Katie."

Freddie closed his eyes. Ever since the party at Katie's, Effy had been acting a little on edge, more than usual. She'd kept close to Freddie and had flinched every time Katie came near her. Freddie had initially thought it was Effy being scared of Katie -stupid thing to suspect- but now he knew that it was because she felt guilt. Guilt towards Katie and that night.

"Effy, it's okay. Seriously. Look, Katie was drunk when she kissed me at hers, of course she was gonna say shit to you-"

"But it's true shit."

"No it's not. We all knew that when I was with Katie I was just trying to get over you. Katie knew that. It's not your fault."

He heard her breathe in sharply. "Fred.. maybe I should have just let her have you."

"Don't say that."

"I'll say what I like. If you were with her, you'd be happier."

Freddie clenched his fists and resisted the urge to scream. Effy was doing it again. She was trying to push him away for the upteenth time. Didn't she know by now that he wasn't letting her go?

He asked her this very question and waited for her answer. She sniffed and from her shaky voice, he could tell she was trying hard not to cry. "But I feel so horrible.. about everything. I hate feeling the guilt and the pain I cause you. You'd be better off without me-"

"Effy, don't fucking talk like that-"

"I c-c-can't help it!" she wailed before filling his phone with sobs. She'd had enough of hiding her emotions. At first, Freddie wished she could be happy. But then he realised she was showing her true feelings. Her true feelings about him, about her. And Freddie saw that this was a breakthrough.


	14. Chapter 14

**Review, review, review :) **

_It's only your shadow  
Never yourself  
It's only your shadow  
Nobody else  
It's only your shadow  
Filling the room  
Arriving too late  
And leaving too soon  
_

_-Shadow, Britney Spears_

**Effy stands outside the front door, breathing heavily. Her fists are clenched and she's nervous. She knows she has to do this. She knocks on the door and waits for it to open. **

"Oh."

"Hi.. um.. Is Katie in?"

Katie and Emily's mother stood there, glowering at this skinny, messy-haired girl with too much eyeliner. What the hell had caused Katie's ex boyfriend Freddie to dump her for _this.. _this _thing?_ This was the girl who'd cast a rock at her daughter's head and had left her -close to death- in the woods where the teenagers had been camping. Katie had needed NINE stitches and couldn't take her exams till after her injuries had healed. So to Katie's mum, it was only right that Effy be locked up for what she'd done. Katie had become a shell of herself. No mother wants to see that happen.

"Yes, she is but I don't think she'd want to see you," she told Effy bitterly. Effy blushed and bit her lip. She'd expected Katie's mum to hate her on sight. She was about to turn to leave when Katie's voice came into the conversation. "It's ok mum. She can talk to me."

Katie's mum shook her head. "No Katie. Don't let her pressure you into it-"

"MUM. It's fine. Come on, Ef."

Effy awkwardly stepped into the house and walked past Katie's mum, who stared daggers into her back. Katie led her up to her bedroom that she shared with Emily. It was obvious how different the twins were. Katie's side of the room was decorated with posters of fit men while Emily's had posters of pretty girls.

"So.. what's up?" Katie asked, although she had an idea. Effy stood in the centre of the room and wrung her hands together. Katie sat down on her bed and took out a magazine to show how calm and collected she was, although this wasn't the case. She was nervous that Effy was in her room. She'd never had Effy in her room before.

"I wasn't sure about whether to do this.. but Freddie told me to.." Effy said quietly. Katie nodded, trying to ignore the fact that Freddie's name had creeped into their conversation in under a minute. "I keep waking up at night. I can't breathe. It's like panic attacks. I keep dreaming about that night in the woods with you.. it's horrible. Look, I can't talk about my feelings but.." she trailed off. Katie stared at Effy. Effy was actually talking about her feelings. Just W to the T to the F. Clearly Freddie's deep nature had gotten to her.

"And I saw at your party how annoyed you were about me and Freddie and I just want to say I'm sorry. I never got the chance to apologise cause I went off with Cook-"

Effy stopped and inhaled a deep breath. Cook. The boy who'd fucked her for fun and ended up loving her. She'd twisted his feelings as well as Freddie's. It had been a game to her. But it wasn't a fun game to play.

Katie reached over and placed her hand on Effy's. "It's ok," she whispered. "I'm not gonna say it didn't hurt, you and Freddie. But I accept your apology. Just do one thing for me Effy."

Effy frowned. "What?"

Katie sighed and looked into her eyes. "The whole time I was with Freddie, I knew he loved you. He always has. Please don't fuck him up. You've done it before and he ended up hurting me, as well as himself. Accept that he loves you because fuck it, he's not gonna leave you."

**Freddie is at the skatepark by himself. He's had enough of skating for now and is sitting on the ramp smoking a spliff. The sun is setting and the sky is cast with a faint red. Stars are beginning to show themselves. It's a strange sight but in Freddie's stoned state, it's beautiful. **

"Freddie."

Freddie looked up and was surprised to see Effy standing in front of him. Wearing a short blue dress made of delicate chiffon and her usual biker boots, she looked amazing, as always. Effy smiled faintly and sat down beside him before taking the spliff out his mouth and placing it into her own.

"What are you doing here?" Freddie asked her. Effy shrugged. "I wanted to see you and Karen said you were here."

"Cool."

Silence. Both were naturally quiet people, one thing they had in common. "I saw Katie today," Effy murmered. Freddie raised an eyebrow. "How did it go?"

"It went well."

He nodded. It was about time Effy and Katie sorted out their differences, god knows he was getting sick of it. He jumped when he felt Effy's hand close over his. He bent his head and kissed her cheek. This was nice. This was the kind of thing they were supposed to do. The kiss on her cheek was transferred to her lips. Effy's hands wrapped around his neck and he took her in. He kissed her forehead, her neck, her shoulder blades. With abandon, he pulled off the delicate chiffon dress, exposing her in every pale inch. His shirt came off and his belt was unbuckled. Freddie wanted her and it appeared that she wanted him. Her hands trailed over his chest and round to his back. She needed him right now.

Against the setting sun, alone in the skate park, the two of them shedded their clothes and loved each other. Freddie wanted Effy but Effy needed Freddie.

Until the next time.


	15. Chapter 15

**Ok, so I think the last chapter may have seemed like the ending. I didn't actually mean it to be the ending, I felt it was a bit too abrupt so _this _chapter is going to be... the Finale (ooooo). Effy and Freddie have obviously reached a breakthrough -thanks to Katie no less!- so what now? Read and review! :) **

_I will never let you fall;_

_I'll stand up with you forever;_

_I'll be there for you through it all;_

_Even if saving you sends me to heaven_

_-Guardian Angel, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus_

Freddie and Effy had left the skate park an hour later, clothes and hair dishevelled. Freddie's heart could burst with happiness. Effy had removed her armour and had come to him like he'd always hoped for. Her walls had collapsed into ruins. She allowed herself to be the fragile, delicate girl she really was. No pretence. Effy smiled faintly when she felt Freddie's hand close around hers as they walked back to Freddie's house. This was all new to her; but she was going to be fine. She had Freddie. No matter how hard she tried, he couldn't be pushed away and that was probably a good thing. It meant she was never alone, despite her being used to it. As the sun shone through the trees, it cast a glow around her head like a halo. With her smiling and walking all fairy-like, she looked beautiful. They stopped at a traffic light and waited for the traffic to drive by. On impulse, Freddie leant down and kissed her forehead. His lips curved into a smile against her smooth skin, even more so when Effy reached up and kissed his cheek ever so gently. She was acting like she was supposed to. She wasn't cowering from him, batting away his hand whenever he tried to take it. She was letting him love her.

Two hours later and Freddie let out a gasp against Effy's collarbone. The clothes had been ripped off as soon as they'd entered Freddie's house and they didn't even care that his sister was in the living room watching TV and his dad was in the kitchen cooking. They were wrapped up in each other as if there was nothing else in the world apart from them. Freddie's bedroom was their little bubble and they had no intention of leaving it. Effy, normally feeling trapped in this confined space, didn't mind as he kissed her neck and ran his hands down her body. She didn't mind when his fingers tangled themselves into her matted hair and pulled her closer to him. She didn't mind when her legs wrapped around his hips and held him to her. She didn't mind when she let out a cry as he loved her for the second time that day. In fact, she let herself go and loved him back.

Effy was now asleep, curled into a ball. Freddie gently kissed her shoulder and got out of the bed to slacken his body. His legs hurt, as did his hips, obviously. He rooted around in his drawer and found a spare spliff and lighter. In true Freddie fashion, he lit it while still naked and had to try hard not to light himself on fire when he pulled on his boxers and a hoodie, not bothering to zip it up. Looking out his window, he saw his shed and felt compelled to go down to it for some time to himself. Sure, he had his beautiful girl in his bed but she was asleep. He wanted to smile to himself without having her run away.

But she wasn't going to run away, Freddie.

Freddie shuffled down the stairs. He ignored his sister who shot him a disgusted look and pretended to vomit. In his garden, he made his way to the shed and let himself in. The comfy chair at the back of the shed beckoned to him and he slumped down into it, puffing on his spliff. This was the best ever moment of his life. He could now relax, be happy. It was all thanks to Effy finally coming to her senses.

"I don't like you smoking."

Freddie jumped and his eyes went wide as he saw the familiar looking woman sitting on his sofa. "Mum?"

"Filthy habit, Frederick."

"It's not a cigarette, it's a spliff-"

"Which is why I don't like you smoking," she answered with a twinkle in her eye. Freddie relaxed, glad she wasn't angry. Maybe it was the spliff getting to him, or maybe he was just so happy that he was willing to believe anything... but his mum was sitting on the sofa in front of him. "Am I dreaming?" he asked her. His mum laughed and shook her head. "Is it so bad that a mother wants to check up on her son once in a while?" Freddie shook his head, just as she had done moments before. "Do you do it often?"

"Sometimes. I've been doing it recently. You've had me worried, darling."

A lump was raised in Freddie's throat. So she'd been watching. Freddie wasn't sure if he believed in heaven but something must exist if she could see. "W-Why?"

His mother cocked her head to the side and smiled faintly. "Because of that beautiful girl you have in your bedroom."

Freddie nodded then- "Wait, did you _see_ anything?", somewhat hysterically.

She burst out laughing. "God Freddie! No. But I've been watching you and her.. she doesn't want to let you in."

Freddie bit his lip. "She didnt.. but now she's changed."

"I know she has. You've gotten to her sweetheart. I'm so proud of you for doing that."

"Why?"

She nestled back into the cushions of the sofa and crossed her legs in that sophisticated way she often had back when she was still alive. "I told you to never give up or let the one you love go. You stuck to that advice. But I'm also proud because back when I was.. ill.. I didn't let you in. But you refused to let me by myself. When I was lying in bed, wanting to be alone in the dark, you'd break open the curtains, sit on my bed and ask me questions from your maths homework. Your constant relentlessness would force me to sit up and answer them, and within five minutes you had me smiling again. I'm so sorry Frederick. I wish I'd kept answering your questions because if I had, I would never have left you. But I wasn't strong enough-"

She broke off as tears rolled down her cheeks and her throat caught. Freddie closed his eyes, trying not to break down just like her. She took out a tissue from her sleeve and dabbed at her almond shaped eyes. "God, stop crying woman!" she scolded herself in a mocking way. Freddie smiled faintly, glad she was now joking. "Anyway darling... I'm proud of how you never give up and that's something you should never stop doing. Effy-" Freddie looked at her as he heard his mum say his girlfriend's name despite never having met her. Then he remembered she'd been watching- "Effy is the girl you should be with. I know it seems strange because she's so confusing, so complicated, but she's got so many layers you just have to break through them. She'll let you do it, she already has. Don't ever give up on her darling. She's special."

Freddie nodded.

"She's waking up now," she suddenly told him. "That's my cue to go."

"Mum-"

"Don't, Freddie. You know I can't stay. I wish I could but obviously.." she waved her hands around her body to show this. Freddie nodded. "Are you gonna watch me tomorrow?"

She snorted. "I think I'll give myself a day off from that. Maybe watch Desperate Housewives." Freddie laughed then stopped when he realised that his mother had died before Desperate Housewives had even been created. His look of shock made her laugh even more and she stood up. Freddie stood up too and stepped closer to her. Could he touch her?

He got his answer when his hand touched hers. Tears glistened in her eyes and her fingers closed around his. "I've wanted to do that for eleven years," she murmured. "You've grown into quite the beautiful boy."

"God, don't call me beautiful! I'm a guy, mum.." he pretended to moan. His mother shrugged. "Just telling you the truth! Right. I'm away. Tell Karen to get rid of those extentions, I don't care how lovely her hair looks, it's killing her follicles." Freddie laughed at her straight talking. "And tell your dad that I love him. And Freddie.. believe in Effy, okay?"

She squeezed his hand and he squeezed back. He closed his eyes to stop tears flowing.

He opened them and she was gone. He was still standing in the middle of the room, holding his hand out. He was completely alone.

Maybe it had been like for the past ten minutes.

Maybe he'd gone crazy.

"Freddie?"

He looked up to find Effy standing in the doorway, wearing just a t-shirt and underwear, her arms around herself.

Or maybe he was just happy.


End file.
